World of Color

Just caught the World of Color premiere streaming live from California Adventure (well, as much as I could without the wonky stream cutting out.) Since everyone seems to be interested in it tonight, here's some thoughts...

The Good:

• The entire use of the technology is amazing. It has to be a breathtaking spectacle in person and hits a homerun in that regard.
• The opening and especially the finale are very well done. I didn't know where they were going by leading up to the grand finale with Mufasa's death scene but the whole Belle kissing the Beast deal leading into the princesses made it worthwhile.
• Also loved the Pirates of the Caribbean scene and huge props for including WALL-E!

The Bad:

• What was with all the comedy clips? I thought this show was supposed to be about the goosebump/chill/teary eye moments. Sure there were plenty of those but did we need the wacky caterpiller from A Bug's Life?
• Why were people soaked after the show? Is this Sea World? Do we need to remember to bring ponchos to the show?

Basically everything using the film scores and orchestral arrangements was excellent. In fact, I think they should have gone the Illuminations route here and just forgone most of the movie clips (especially the comedy!) and used only songs but mostly orchestral stuff. I'm talking Night on Bald Mountain, Sorcerer's Apprentice, Pirates of the Caribbean, Transformation from Beauty and the Beast, instrumental arrangements of the love songs, etc. They could all combine for an amazing score to a fireworks show...or, in this case, a fountain/fire/laser extravaganza or whatever they're calling it. I understand why they use the video clips, and don't get me wrong those are really cool, but I think they went a little overboard on what some people were calling "Disney trailers on a fountain."

I'm definitely thinking it's the kind of show that's way more amazing live in person but based on what I saw tonight I'm thinking we're hovering in the **** 1/4 range. In other words, not as good as anything currently running at Walt Disney World...but, ya know, still better than almost anything else in the world.


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Ride Review - Tiana's Showboat Jubilee

The Saints won the Super Bowl, it's Mardi Gras in a few days, so what else do you think I should be reviewing this week? Who Dat?!?!

Intro: Opened at the Magic Kingdom this past October to correspond to the Disney animated feature “The Princess & The Frog,” this is sort of a parade, show, and meet & greet hybrid. I never got the chance to see it live but thanks to the magic of YouTube, it lives on forever. I also have never seen the movie it’s based on…so this review is certainly going to be an adventure. But no doubt a jubilant one (if not, I’m calling false advertising!)

Show: An inviting southern voice welcomes us “down by the river” for a production of Tiana’s Showboat Jubilee. I’m already jubilant. Dancers march through Frontierland into Liberty Square, alongside a jazz band complete with an alligator who plays the trumpet and is more likely than not a character from this film that I’ve never seen.

Princess Tiana is not far behind, alongside her prince, who until this time I honestly believed was a frog. Also, the cast member playing him appears to be an Indian man. I hope this is the case in the movie. Disney’s first black princess AND their first half Indian, half frog prince! The diversity!

Anyway, they all pile onto the Liberty Belle Riverboat because, well, this show obviously needs every wacky gimmick possible. And that’s not even the only wacky gimmick! Because a bunch of people from the park get picked to wave streamers from aboard the boat. I have no idea how you get picked to do this but I’m glad they never picked me. Not because I wouldn’t want to do it, in fact just the opposite. I would never be able to say “no.” But then when I got home and told people “I got to be part of a show at Disney!” and they ask which one and I tell them “Tiana’s Showboat Jubilee,” well I just don’t want to deal with the looks of confusion and/or disappointment that would follow.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Some kind of show about a frog and a boat.

Tiana complements the band on their performance and then delivers a line that sounds a lot like “that’s enough to make you want to reach out for a drink.” I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be “reach out for a dream,” which is unfortunate because I actually would like to reach out for a drink. So they all sing a song and do some dancing and smart money is that a similar scene plays out in animated form during the film.

The alligator shares his dream with us: it’s do be human. Apparently he wants to go to New Orleans and, I assume, play his trumpet somewhere in the general vicinity of the French Quarter. If this alligator character is as much of an obvious take on Louis Armstrong as this show suggests, it’s really a shame Louis Prima couldn’t have played the role.

The song concludes to AN EXPLOSION on top of the ship. I’m betting this is the evil villain of the film. He seems to be some kind of weird cross between a pimp and a voodoo master. Once again, I really hope that’s what he is in the movie. He asks the prince to pick some tarot cards. As best I can tell he picked the “transformation central” card. I say this because pimpmaster Cleo yells it over and over again.

Tiana wants to make sure “folks like that don’t steal away our dreams.” I wonder how many poor young girls have said the same. Apparently their way to chase him away is with DANCING. Well, of course it is.

They sing some more. “Let’s wish upon a wishing star, ‘cause when we do our dreams come true.” No, that sounds NOTHING like the words to another (better) Disney song. The boat starts moving down the Rivers of America and the show is over.

Thoughts: As much as I made fun, this show is by no means bad and it’s not a knock on the talented performers who are in it. It’s just one of those things where you can tell it was thrown together in, like, two weeks with no budget whatsoever. My problems with it are more the philosophical kind, where I’d rather things the old way when Disney would base rides and shows on beloved movies, not throw together rides and shows to try to convince people to go the movies to see whatever new thing they’re trying to push.

It’s fine and it serves it’s purpose but, well, so does the Ferris wheel at Six Flags, ya know?

Overall Rating: ** ½

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Ride Review - Spaceship Earth

Intro: Disney fans hate change. Alright, it’s probably not fair to limit that to only “Disney” fans. Fans of any medium, generally, are petrified of change. Even the mere rumor of a change to a beloved Disney attraction often results in paranoia and borderline hysteria from both its most ardent fans and those for whom the attraction represents a hallmark moment in their childhood. Often both at the same time.

So it should come as no surprise that when Disney announced a massive rehab for Epcot’s flagship attraction in 2007, people went absolutely berserk. It was only a few years earlier that an e-ticket attraction called “Time Racers” – a roller coaster – was rumored to be going inside the geodesic dome. People were freaked.

Then, with minimal fanfare, the new and allegedly improved Spaceship Earth reopened in February 2008. Reaction was tepid at best.

Queue: The queue is pretty much exactly the same…but there’s a new mural outside! In fact the biggest aesthetic change (and undoubtedly the best thing to come out of the rehab) was the removal of the giant and wholly idiotic “Epcot” wand on top of the structure.

Ride: The cars are the same, save for a new video screen in front of everyone. It’s important later on (OK, not “important,” let’s go with “it comes into play” later on.) We start uphill and are greeted by the voice of some guy from Siemens who thanks us for riding and then has us pose for an on-ride photo. Worst on-ride photo spot ever. He turns things over to Dame Judi Dench.

“Like a grand and miraculous spaceship…” Doesn’t have the same gravitas as it did with Jeremy Irons. She goes on to say that the key to the future lies in our past and that our ancestors were constantly reinventing the future. See what they did there? The new narration shifts the focus of the ride from the communications theme it had under AT&T to a broader historical context for Siemens.

Cavemen learn how to communicate and write on cave walls but then the Egyptians figure out it makes more sense to move the words instead of leaving them in a cave and invent scrolls. “This leads to better record keeping, plans, designs, and, unfortunately, taxes.” Heh.

Great civilizations follow but they all have their own forms of writing so the Phoenicians create an alphabet. The Greeks invent schools and math (really?) and then the Romans build roads. “The first world wide web.”

OK. I have to interject here. That statement, and really almost all of Judi Dench’s narration, is really idiotic and comes off as kind of flighty and daft. Its like they decided to make the narration light-hearted, kind of like the old World of Motion (only not as intentionally campy and over the top.) And Judi Dench does a good job delivering the lines as written. The problem is that the tone of the scenes themselves haven’t changed. So Judi Dench is cracking jokes and being all “if you remember your A-B-C’s, thank a Phoenician!” while the scenes in front of her are dark and serious.

Case in point, the “fall of Rome” scene. The narration is: “but then we hit a road block! Rome falls and the great library of Alexandria burns.” Not exactly the haunting Jeremy Irons delivery of “those same roads were turned against Rome by invaders.”

Anyway, Islamic and Jewish scholars save some of the texts and monks in Europe record books by hand until Guttenberg invents the printing press. The Renaissance is not far behind. The industrial revolution soon follows and “life’s most important moments” travel faster than ever before. A kid reads a newspaper in a factory, a guy uses a telegraph, the ladies answer the switchboard, and a cinema shows a newsreel.

In a nice new touch, a family watches the Apollo 11 moon landing together. “To send a man to the moon we had to invent a new language spoken not by man but by computers.” We head into a new scene with a giant mainframe computer. The animatronics are dressed in some seventies-rific styles.

“What if someone could have one of these machines in their own home?” Thankfully Bill Gates invents the PC in a garage in California. Sadly they left out the scene where Al Gore invents the Internet. We go through a crazy tunnel with flashing lights and numbers and stuff that they lifted from The Matrix.

We make it to the top of the dome and the cool planetarium scene is in tact, only now without the old female narration of “please remain seated, your time machine vehicles are rotating backwards for your return to Earth” that I love so much because I’m fairly sure the same woman does the “please silence all cell phones” announcement at Cinemark.

So anyway, now it’s time for those new touch screens to come into play. We take a little survey (it’s about 5 questions long so there are tons of potentially different endings) and like the old Horizons we get a “glimpse” of what our lives might be like in the future. This mostly involves wholly absurd Jetsons stuff like flying cars and a suitcase that packs itself. LAME.

“Well…I think the future we’ve created looks pretty promising, don’t you?” No. I think it looks like something you stole from an episode of Futurama. Things thankfully come to a conclusion before they get any worse and we’re left off to explore the Project Tomorrow exhibit.

Thoughts: I know it’s not really fair to judge this ride based on the old version and in all fairness the new scenes during the beginning of the ride are an improvement. The big downside is the narration, which isn’t really bad; it’s just not as good as the old one. The finale, however, ranges from “kind of disappointing” to “a big smelly turd” depending on my general mood.

It was a nice try but the ending could have been so much better. Why not just do the questions and then offer and honest to goodness video of the future. No silly cartoon stick figures with our faces on them. Have a scientist, an anthropologist, an engineer talk about something important. Don't treat human history and the future of civilization as a joke. Treat the material with the weight it deserves.

The update isn't bad. It's just really disappointing considering what they could have done with it.

Overall Rating: *** 1/2

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Ride Review - O Canada!

I thought I'd celebrate the NFL's triumphant (?) regular season debut in Canada last night with a visit to Canada of my own! Well, sort of. Actually a visit to Epcot's Canada!

Ride Review - Food Rocks

I thought I’d go back in time this week to check out one of my old favorites: the dearly departed “Food Rocks” from The Land pavilion at Epcot.

Intro: Opened in 1994, Food Rocks replaced another beloved show, Kitchen Kabaret, in Epcot’s The Land pavilion.

Ride Review - Stitch's Great Escape

Intro: Opened in Tomorrowland in 2004, “Stitch’s Great Escape” replaced the “ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter”…one of the all time unique attractions in all of Walt Disney World. The ride elements remained essentially the same only with a Stitch overlay to make them more cute than scary. And by “cute” I mean “unspeakably annoying.”

Ride Review - Haunted Mansion

Happy Halloween!

Intro: The Walt Disney World version of the Haunted Mansion is located in a spooky New England manor on the outskirts of Liberty Square. It opened in 1971 with the Magic Kingdom. Most fans regard it as one of the most imaginative and best of Walt Disney World’s attractions.

Ride Review - Tower of Terror

It's almost Halloween! So what better ride to post than the one that has Halloween as a major part of its storyline?

Intro: The Tower of Terror opened in the new “Sunset Boulevard” section of the Disney Studios in 1994. Its opening revitalized a park that was lacking in attractions and excitement and has lead to the Studios being the thrill center of Walt Disney World.

Attraction Review - Mickey's Boo To You Halloween Parade

The last time I tried reviewing a parade I decided to a full recap of the two-hour Christmas Day television parade. This should be a little more manageable.

Intro: As one of the special features that go along with Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party, Mickey’s Boo To You Halloween Parade replaces Spectromagic. (Boy that Mickey is a vain guy. How much crap does he name after himself?)

Ride Review - Hallowishes

(Note: Yes, I realize its not really a ride but I’m not getting into separating these things by “ride,” “show,” “parade,” “streetmosphere,” etc.)

It's that time of year again. Trick-or-treating, scary movies, haunted hayrides, stores putting up Christmas decorations, the Magic Kingdom randomly closing at 7pm for everyone but those in colorful wristbands...yep, it's HALLOWEEN! We'll be celebrating with different Halloween themed reviews every Friday leading up to the big day.

Intro: Exclusive to Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Party, an autumn tradition at Walt Disney World, Hallowishes replaces the usual Wishes fireworks show for the hard ticket special event.

Show: The familiar but eerie opening organ music of “Grim Grinning Ghosts” begins as a voice, who I later realize is Madame Leota from the Haunted Mansion, calls in the spirits to the Magic Kingdom. Wolves howl as the lyrics to the song begin. “Grim, grinning ghosts come out to socialize…” The first set of fireworks hit as the song breaks down from its usual form into a more upbeat, almost techno, number.

We are then joined by the GHOST HOST from the Haunted Mansion who, along with the 999 happy haunts, is going to materialize. “You never know who might show up, after all, it’s Halloween.” This is the cue for “This Is Halloween” from The Nightmare Before Christmas to begin as more orange and purple fireworks shoot off to the tune of the music.

The ghost host, using every Halloween pun imaginable, cues some “scareoke” for the next set of fireworks. We get “Poor Unfortunate Souls,” “Cruella di Vil,” “Trust in Me” (!!!), “Heffalumps and Woozles,” “Pink Elephants On Parade,” “Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf” and a few others.

Then the doorbell rings! Awesomely the Ghost Host answers it and it’s Ursula (identified here for whatever wacky legal reason as “the sea witch.”) I love how Halloween for all the villains and spooky characters is like Christmas for everyone else: they drop in and visit each other. The fireworks kick in again as she sings a spell for us. This leads to a Motown-sounding reprise of “Poor Unfortunate Souls.” This leads to a version of “Be Prepared” and another ring of the doorbell. It’s Jafar!

Jafar decides to treat everyone to some “sorcery in the sky” (I’m marking out at that reference.) Oogie Boogie (from “Nightmare Before Christmas”) doesn’t think Jafar’s magic is that great, so he lights off some fireworks and sings a song about himself. This was probably the best part from a pure fireworks standpoint. Maleficent finally shows up to set off some more fireworks as the Ghost Host invites us to join in a “scream-a-long” (and asks “any volunteers?”) We get a reprise of “This Is Halloween” with people screaming along to the “everybody scream” line as fireworks blast in unison. The song continues as the grand finale shoots off, including the 360 fireworks.

On behalf of the happy haunts, the Ghost Host thanks us for joining in and wishes us “happy Hallowishes.” (Awesomely a cover of “I Put A Spell on You” by CCR serves as exit music.)

Thoughts: Well that certainly is a delightful little fireworks show and a great treat for anyone attending MNSSHP. If you’ve never attended the party, Disney does a really great job separating it from the usual Halloween stuff aimed at scares and gore. The whole event, with this show as a centerpiece, is presented in much the same way as the Haunted Mansion, where everything is done in such a way as to make light of usually scary stuff.

Plus it’s always great to see a Disney show with different characters, in this case the villains, as the centerpiece. The thing that separates this show from, say, Fantasmic is that here when the villains are presented it’s done in a light hearted manner. In Fantasmic they invade your nightmares, in Hallowishes they invite you to their house for a party. Plus the villains chosen here are more of the comical variety like Kaa and the Big Bad Wolf. And hearing the Ghost Host from the Haunted Mansion in the Jiminy Cricket role as master of ceremonies for the show is really awesome.

In another really great touch, the colors used in the fireworks are really perfect in setting the theme as we got lots of orange, purple, dark blue, and green: colors that not only keep things “dark” for Halloween but also reflect well off the smoke from the fireworks to keep things looking very eerie.

All in all this show is way better than it has any right to be.

Overall Rating: **** ¼

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Movie Review – Toy Story / Toy Story 2

So a friend of mine called me last week to see if/when I was going to see Toy Story in 3D and if I knew it was being shown at our local theater as a free double feature with Toy Story 2. Seeing as how I didn’t even know the movie was in theaters, I was pleasantly surprised to find out I could see both of them together for the price of one. Since movies are expensive and I’m cheap, this seemed like the perfect deal. End of story being that I spent a significant portion of my Thursday evening at the movie theater.

Well, alright, it’s not really the “end” of the story since that would make this a pretty terrible review.

I’m going to work off the assumption that since the movies are fourteen and ten-years-old respectively that you’ve seen them and know what they’re about so I can skip over the plot stuff and just make a few observations.

First off, the transition to 3D is seamless and after about fifteen minutes you don’t even notice it anymore, which is a good thing. Since the movies were obviously not made with 3D in mind, they don’t resort to any cheap 3D tricks (did someone say “cheap 3D tricks?”…sorry, sometimes I slip into Fozzy Bear mode) or goofy effects. Instead the 3D is more of a compliment to the viewing experience, adding an extra layer of depth to the already amazing animation.

There are a few spots where the 3D effects really stand out, one being the opening sequence of TS2 where Rex is playing the Buzz Lightyear video game. Mostly, however, they just add an extra layer to the experience. That having been said, they’re wholly unnecessary as the movies were excellent without the 3D. Think of it more as a special feature, kind of like bonus features on a DVD. You don’t HAVE to see it, but if you’re a big fan then you’ll enjoy it.

One thing that really struck me after watching both movies back to back (I hadn’t seen the original in close to five years and the sequel in even longer) is that Toy Story is really the far superior film. I’ve always seen Toy Story 2 ranked highly on lists of animated movies and I remember agreeing with this sentiment, all until I saw them both together. Toy Story is more about plot development: Woody facing his insecurities, Buzz coming to terms with being a toy, the ultimate toy beat down of Sid, and even other little character moments like Slinky gradually becoming more disenchanted with Woody.

Toy Story 2 is loads of fun with all the “new” Buzz Lightyear meta moments, Potato Head gags, and tour guide Barbie. Really, the movie is all fluff and not much else. It’s fun and I’d gladly watch it over and over again, but as far as being an overall quality film, it pales in comparison to Toy Story. (Well…I’ll make one addendum to that. The Jesse the Cowgirl “When She Loved Me” scene is still an awesome tearjerker. I was literally choking back tears seeing it and I knew it was coming!)

By the time this review is posted the Toy Story 3 trailer that came packaged with both feature should have hit the Internet. The trailer was one big reason to go see the movies over the weekend. If you haven’t seen it or don’t want to know anything about it, here’s your SPOILER ALERT.
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Alright, good.

The plot of the movie surrounds Andy going to off to college (!!) and, apparently, donating his toys (that he STILL has in a toy box in his room, kind of weird) to a pre-school. The toys then stage a breakout and that’s as much plot as I can figure out from the trailer.

Much like any other sequel, I can only imagine that this one will be Toy Story 2 to the next level. Lots of inside character jokes and various gags of that nature without much substance. It’s Pixar and every almost every movie they’ve ever made has been fantastic so I’m sure this one will be good, and the potential is there to do lots of character stuff with the toys moving on in their “lives” but bottom line this is still a cartoon and is only getting made for fun, which is all I’d go into it expecting.

As far as a final grade on the movies themselves, I’d go **** ½ on Toy Story and **** ¼ on Toy Story 2, but I’m assuming you saw them already and don’t really need that. There’s no reason to run out to the theaters to see these but if you’re a big Disney fan or you have kids who’ve never seen it and you have a couple hours to kill then go for it. The two-for-one thing makes it one of the best deals out there right now and its well worth the price.

Movie Review - DisneyNature's "Earth"

I should preface this review by saying that I had read some reviews myself back when the film was first released to theaters. I remember some of those reviewers saying that “Earth” was unsuitable for children because of the graphic nature of some of the scenes including one involving the death of one of the film’s subject animals. Now first of all, let me say that I think those reviewers were off their rockers. Second of all, having this information caused me to watch every scene with a sense of impending doom as I anticipated this graphic death.

Anyway, “Earth” is the first in what will hopefully be a long line of long subject nature films produced by the Walt Disney Company for mass consumption. Scoff at it if you like but Disney does this better than anyone: takes a concept and packages it for mass consumption. That’s basically what makes Walt Disney World so unique. It’s the sights and sounds of the world and its history boiled down to the essence. It’s the thing that makes many people despise Disney but to me it’s what makes the park so great. An easy to enjoy and love place where the public can enjoy a little bit of everything, hopefully taking back an understanding of things unknown before and a new found appreciation that can blossom into an all out fascination. A trip to Epcot’s China leads to a trip to the real China, a child’s ride on Kilimanjaro Safari leads to a career in conservation and zoology.

I sense myself getting off on a tangent here but this is the thing that “Earth” does so well. It’s not a defining film on any one subject matter but rather a panorama of the spectacle of the planet. A perfect introduction to documentaries and nature films for those who had no predisposition to them before.

The film opens up in the arctic with a family of polar bears. After a long winter, mom and the cubs emerge from the den as dad sets off on a journey to find food. We meet up with other arctic creatures like birds and caribou. Suddenly, narrator James Earl Jones informs us that “wolves are on the prowl and they’re hungry.” Remember that sense of impending doom I mentioned earlier? Yep…a wolf chases down a baby reindeer and we have our first fatality. The death and subsequent eating, by the way, is not actually shown. Instead we learn that the wolf will only be able to win the chase of the deer makes a mistake. Deer makes mistake, wolf catches him, fade to black.

We move on to the Kalihari Desert where a herd of elephants is journeying to find savanna. A mother and calf get separated from the herd in a dust storm and more doom seems imminent. Instead we move on to a herd of gazelle who are being hunted by a cheetah. Ought oh. There’s a chase and when it’s all said and done it’s Cheetah – 1, Gazelle – 0. This death, by the way, is actually shown, neck biting and all, in slow motion and with dramatic music. There’s no blood and nobody actually mentions anyone dying, only that the “circle of life” goes on.

Meanwhile the elephants made it back to the herd and to a watering hole where they fill up with some lions. That seems like an odd pairing and indeed it is. When night falls the lions try to pick off a calf but the herd protects them. This forces the pack of lions to use plan B. (No not that Plan B! Get your head out of the gutter!) They chase down an adult elephant and all thirty or so lions pounce on it! This was incredibly cool, by the way, and all the goriness happens off screen. Though this is like the fourth death in this movie so my spoiler was a little off by three or so potentially child scaring deaths.

We move into the ocean where a mother blue whale and her calf begin the long journey from the tropics to the Antarctic. It always amazes me how these animals travel halfway across the world TWICE every single year and this film can’t even do it justice. It blows my mind. We take a break from the epic whale journey to see dolphins and swordfish hunt for fish in the water and then cut to a great white shark jumping up out of the water to devour a seal! Holy cow that was amazing! And by far our most graphic death scene of the movie. You have to see it though. Great white sharks are frightening! Somebody should make a movie about that.

Anyway, we end up back in the Serengeti as the elephant herd has made it to the flooded wetlands. This also has my favorite scene of the movie, as they show different animals like zebras and giraffes walking through the water and then cut to a group of confused and annoyed baboons who gingerly wade through with their hands up in the air looking exactly like me every time I’m in a swimming pool (okay, well me minus the pina colada.)

Then its back into the ocean where the whales have made it to the end of their journey and a krill buffet. We stop to check in with some penguins and then some migratory birds that have to make the insane journey from Mongolia OVER the Himalayas to India every year.

We finally return to the arctic to check in with poor papa polar bear. (**Global Warming Admonishing Alert**) The receding sea ice has made it next to impossible for him to hunt for seals. He almost drowns at sea before finally finding some land and a walrus herd. He tries to pick off a calf but just like the lions earlier he is unsuccessful. He’s forced to try to take down an adult in the water but its too big and he’s too weak. Unlike the lions he doesn’t have twenty nine other polar bears to help out and without blatantly saying it, the sunset on screen signals the sunset of the life of our polar bear.

Then the scene switches to his cubs. The two, in spite of the statistic given in the beginning of the film, both survived the year and go on to lead the next generation. It’s a harsh world, James Earl Jones notes, “but sometimes it’s paradise.” Things end with a montage of the elephants frolicking in the wetlands.

In closing, like I said at the onset, this is a great introductory movie for anyone. Yes there are some deaths but, hey, that’s life. It’s certainly nothing that you need to fear exposing your children to. (And it’s certainly no worse than the absolutely heartbreaking frozen egg scene in “March of the Penguins.”) I’d keep the young ones away if you think they’re not ready for it but there’s no reason kids over the age of, say, eight should be unable to watch it. It’s a great film to hopefully get them interested in seeing other educational nature films. There’s plenty there for the adults too. It’s tone is definitely meant to be inclusive for all members of the family but it’s not going to make you feel like you're being talked down to.

Lastly, the cinematography itself is breathtaking. Absurdly beautiful. My poor little television didn’t come close to doing it justice. This film was made for IMAX and I could only imagine how breathtaking scenes like Victoria Falls and the Aurora Australis would have been on an IMAX screen.

This was a great start for the DisneyNature family and will be a worthwhile ninty minutes for yours.

Overall Rating: *** ¾ (Increasing based on the size and high definition capability of your television. ***** if you can see it in Imax.)

Movie Review - Adventureland

I’d been wanting to catch this one during its initial theater run last spring but the stars weren’t aligned and I never got it in. Thankfully my long wait ended last night when I got to rent the newly released DVD. Before I start I should make sure to note that this movie is not about the Disney theme park version of Adventureland, though I’ve always thought that kind of movie would have a lot of promise. I could totally see the Jungle Cruise getting the “Pirates of the Caribbean” treatment. Out of place turn of the century Brits end up lost on some remote jungle river with a zany captain and encounter wild animals, natives, and bad jokes. (And a quick search of Wikipedia reveals that there actually IS a film in the works! Hopefully it won’t suck.)

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, Adventureland!

The film stars Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart, two college students stuck spending their summer working at a hokey Pittsburgh amusement park called Adventureland. Over the course of the summer they bond as friends and eventually love interests until everything comes crashing down in monumental fashion thanks to a few bad decisions. I don’t want to spoil much of the plot so I’ll leave it at that.

It’s a really sweet movie with great humor and lots of heart, plus you’ll definitely have an extra layer of appreciation for it as amusement park fans (especially if you’ve ever worked at one.)

Jesse Eisenberg is great channeling Michael Cera only in a way that you like him more than you figure him to be pathetic and Kristen Stewart is adorable. Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig steal the show as the park’s eccentric but caring owners, Bobby and Paulette. Ryan Reynolds also puts in a good turn as mechanic, wannabe rock star, and unwitting antagonist Mark.

The film shares a lot in common with “Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist.” Comparing the two, “Nick & Norah” probably had more laugh out loud moments and a more satisfying conclusion but “Adventureland” is far more realistic and, in my opinion, slightly more enjoyable.

If you’re a fan of the genre or are just looking for a good date/night in movie, this one is pretty perfect. The setting and tone are also perfect for this time of year, as the summer is coming to an end. Save it for the first night in September when it’s a little too cold to sit on the deck.

Also, for Disney fans, there’s a great tribute in the park office: a sign plainly visible by the door reads “Smile! You’re on stage.”

Overall Rating: **** 1/2

Classic Ride Review - Hall of Presidents (George W. Bush Edition)

So it was either fly to Orlando to review this before Independence Day or just re-post my old version. Guess which one I chose to do?

Intro: Back in 1964, Walt Disney designed a show featuring an animatronic Abraham Lincoln to be the centerpiece of the Illinois pavilion at the New York World’s Fair. After the fair, the show moved to Disneyland where it was known as “Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln.” In an attempt to give Walt Disney World everything Disneyland had, only bigger, the Imagineers decided to multiply the number of presidents in the show by 37. The Hall of Presidents was born.

Queue: A large rotunda is the home to numerous pieces of bizarre presidential memorabilia. Trust me, this is the only place at Walt Disney World to find George Bush’s fishing rod or Harry Truman’s sweat socks.

Trivia: Apparently there is a staircase somewhere around the entrance to the attraction that includes an actual step from Monticello. Monticello is, to my knowledge, still standing so I don’t understand why it is without the need for one of its steps. I’ve also never seen the step so it’s entirely possible that it’s an urban legend. But really, who would make something like that up?

Show: Grand dramatic music, the beginning to “Hail to the Chief,” I believe, plays as a large blue curtain opens in front of us, revealing silhouettes of “American people.” One guy is holding a bucket; someone else is holding what appears to be a Christmas tree for some reason. “We the people…” Our narrator in a deep, almost intimidating, voice continues reading from the Declaration of Independence before musing on how that declaration defined us as a nation.

So, anyway, our narrator continues with a quick American history lesson as we look at paintings describing the events he’s discussing. Delegates meet to write a constitution but they seem to be having some sort of disagreement. You see, the guy with the English accent thinks that unalienable rights should extend to slaves while the guy in the southern drawl wants to hang onto his slaves, doggone-it! Naturally, George Washington steps forward to say that he trusts the people to make changes to the constitution. Benjamin Franklin agrees. So everyone claps and the constitution is signed. I bet that’s exactly how it happened.

George Washington gets elected president and the frontiers expand. There were runaway mine trains, singing bears, and if you don’t believe me just go outside and walk a few hundred yards. Anyway, the brilliant and courageous Andrew Jackson threatens to murder some people from South Carolina (seriously, he does) and the story moves on. That’s about as brilliant and courageous as he was when he ordered the genocide of 8,000 Cherokee Indians.

In the meantime, there was this self-taught lawyer from Illinois named Abraham Lincoln who was not too thrilled with the idea of America being half-slave and half-free. He manages to get elected president…just in time to fight a civil war. When it was over, the nation was preserved and slavery was gone forever. Yep, just like that. So, we build a transcontinental railroad and immigrants come to the country. “We the people” means all the people, the work of America will never be done, and each new generation leaves unfinished tasks for the generations that follow. Kind of like the big dig…or social security.

All this talking leads up to a big red curtain opening up and revealing animatronic figures of all 43 U.S. Presidents. We’ve got all the famous ones like George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Franklin Roosevelt, and John F. Kennedy. Plus, you’ve got plenty of characters likely to invoke a collective “who?” from the audience, like Martin Van Buren, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, and Chester Arthur. They do a roll call of everyone and the president being announced gets to nod to the crowd. During the whole thing, the presidents react and appear to be discussing among themselves which is a nice touch. Also their outfits are made in proper period style and include historical touches like Franklin Roosevelt’s leg braces.

President Bush gives a speech about making sure that nobody is left behind by the American dream. “We the people are just getting started” he adds, in a nice bit of continuity. It is kind of sad listening to his speech, recorded before 9/11, when you realize that he wanted to be remembered as the guy who saved failing public schools and restored traditional family values to America instead of the guy who was president during a bunch of wars. Of course, you can also argue that he is to blame for that, but that’s certainly not the point of this review.

President Lincoln stands up and delivers a nice speech about freedom and the legacy of America. The dome of the capital rises behind the presidents as the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” plays and an American flag appears behind the stage. The curtain closes and the show is over.

Thoughts: The first part of the show is nothing more than a quick fortune cookie version of American history up until 1900 and really does not do much to focus the attention of the show on the presidency. The second half of the show, with the role call of the presidents, is very well done and is the only reason to see this one. There is nothing here that isn’t done better at the American Adventure so, unless you’re interested in history and the presidency, it’s an easily skippable show. Of course, there are never any waits and its in an air conditioned theater, so it’s a nice 20 minute respite during a hot Florida afternoon. Seeing the show won’t kill you or anything, but neither will missing it. I’m going ***, but mostly because I love history, politics, and air conditioning.
Overall Rating: ***

Ride Review - The American Adventure

The 4th of July is always a fun time to go ahead and re-post this one. Get your flames ready...

Intro: Joining the nice movies and little boat rides representing countries in World Showcase is America’s contribution: a multimedia extravaganza featuring some of the most advanced audio-animatronic characters ever created. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I’m just saying.

Queue: It’s unlikely that you will ever have to stand in a queue here, as the theater is simply enormous. The building that houses the theater also has a gorgeous colonial style atrium where you can wait for the upcoming performance and also view some preshow entertainment.

Preshow: The “Voices of Liberty” singers and other groups sometimes perform in the atrium or outside the building at the United States pavilion. If you have the time and/or desire to see them, they put on an excellent show.

Ride: The show opens up in darkness permeated by the voice of Ben Franklin. He lets us know that America was built on work, bloodshed, loneliness, and fear. Then an audio-animatronic scene rises up onto the stage. Ben Franklin continues talking, joined in the scene by Mark Twain. Many different people make up America, and over the years we have become more alike than different. Franklin offers to let Twain know about the beginnings of America. This leads into a video and song about the pilgrims. Thankfully, Ben and Mark do not do the singing; instead they allow a rather talented choir to do it. The song is about the Pilgrims’ desire to be free and their endurance through hardship in the New World. All this is making me crave turkey.

The song ends and this leads Franklin to talk about the passion governing the desire to break free from England. A video chronicles the Boston Tea Party and the King sending troops into Boston. This leads us to an audio-animatronics scene featuring Ben Franklin paying Thomas Jefferson a visit as he writes the Declaration of Independence. He reads some of the Declaration and this leads us into another video scene of pictures of the Revolutionary War shown as what sounds to be an old marching song is sung. This leads us to the next AA scene, in Valley Forge. George Washington stands atop his horse as two soldiers bemoan the bitter cold. Then the singing continues. When it is all said and done, 13 colonies become the United States and we are free.

Mark Twain chimes in to let us know that he is proud to be part of the next age in American history as we expanded westward. It’s nice to know that Twain is proud of leading to the extermination of an entire indigenous people. Then Twain delivers the line of the show: “it seems a whole bunch of folks found out that "We the people", didn't yet mean all the people.” It’s “a whole bunch of folks” that makes it gold. Who is he? President Bush?

Fredrick Douglass doesn’t like slavery. And really, who does? Still, he manages to sum up his feelings in a little speech about hope. Nice of him not to get us too melancholy, after all, we ARE at Disney World. Then this leads to a family, presumably from one of the Border States, getting a photograph taken (with a VERY primitive camera). Two brothers argue the cause of the war, one taking the North’s side and one taking that of the South. They actually manage to work “Billy Yank” and “Johnny Reb” into the 4 sentence exchange. This leads to the photograph being taken (and then displayed on the overhead screen) and leads into a beautiful slow song as photographs from the war are shown.

A sample of the lyrics: “one was gentle, one was kind, one came home, one stayed behind; a cannonball don't pay no mind, if you're gentle or if you're kind, it don't think of the folks behind.” I was actually going to make fun of this and now I’m practically tearing up. They may have glazed over the slavery issue but they did an amazing job with the human drama of the brother vs. brother saga. This is why I could never study too much history, it’s just too depressing. Just to drive the point home, after the song ends they show the picture from the beginning of the scene, only now just the one brother appears.

This leads into Ben Franklin talking about the rebuilding of the nation and the influx of immigrants to the country. He calls it a new dawn for the American Adventure. Chief Joseph appears on stage in AA form and he’s mighty pissed. “Enough! Enough of your words! Let your new dawn lead to the final sunset on my people's suffering. When I think of our condition, my heart is heavy. I see men of my own race treated like outlaws or shot down like animals. I hope that all of us may be brothers with one country around us and one government for all.” Well, he had me up until “one country around us.” Unlike Fredrick Douglass’ soft spoken oratory about slavery, Chief Joseph does a good job actually sounding mad. Of course, because we want this to be a happy show, he claims to want to have one big happy government. Yeah, he actually says “government.” I BET that’s what the Native Americans wanted, one big happy government.

Everyone quickly forgets about the Native Americans as we head right into a scene about suffrage at the Centennial expo. Susan B. Anthony wants equality while Alexander Graham Bell wants people to marvel at his telephone. Andrew Carnegie chimes in to brag about his steel company building a new concert hall in New York. What was the point of this scene? Speaking of no point, Theodore Roosevelt is then shown on a cliff marveling at our natural wonders while complaining about the lumber industry. John Muir wants Teddy to spearhead the effort for conservation. Quick, who’s John Muir?

Next we are informed that America was thrust into the job of being a world leader. Yeah, it’s not like we want to bully around all the smaller countries, we were thrust into the job, poor unfortunate souls that we were. Some video of war planes somehow manages to lead into Charles Lindbergh. Then, immediately we hear a news report of the stock market crash leading into the Great Depression. Some down trodden AA people at a gas station sing a song titled “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime.” They then hear FDR delivering a radio broadcast. This leads to an AA Roosevelt giving his “the only thing we have to fear…” speech. The scene switches back to the AA folks at the gas station. They hear Will Rogers on the radio and this leads to an AA Rogers twirling a rope and talking about the nation potentially going to war. We immediately hear FDR’s speech following the attack on Pearl Harbor (with the part about Japan cut out). This leads us to a full stage scene in a shipyard. A woman (representing Rosie the Riveter) works on a ship. Then the AA’s head back under the stage and a full screen displays a video of clips from the 20th century as the attraction’s theme song “Golden Dream” plays. It is all very inspirational. JFK delivers the famous line from his inaugural “ask not what your country can do for you…” and then Martin Luther King delivers a part of his “I Have a Dream” speech. This is followed by the moon landing (“the Eagle has landed”). The song continues and concludes with fireworks over the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor.

This leads to Franklin and Twain appearing on the top of the statue. Franklin says the Founders were visionaries, not dreamers. Ben continues to taut the merits of our constitution. Twain points out that America is still a very young nation. Franklin says that we can all fulfill the promise of America, freedom for all people. “The American Adventure will continue for a long, long time.” “Golden Dream” reprises as the sun rises in glory over Franklin and Twain on the torch of the Statue as the show concludes.

Thoughts: Here’s the problem with a show like this: you can not make it without getting people mad. Think about what the movies and rides in the other countries are about. Norway has Maelstrom, a ride about Norwegian folklore. Canada and France both have movies about the beauty of their countries. But America has to go out and make a huge spectacle about our history. There is simply no way to properly do that in a theme park. To make matters worse, the show does not simply gloss over the negative parts of the country’s history, it trivializes them. “There was this terrible institution of slavery that led to a bloody civil war, but really it was because the South did not understand the North’s love of freedom.” “Sure, we wiped out an entire race of native peoples, but really all the Native Americans wanted was to be part of our government.” Please!

The show does have some very uplifting and powerful moments. The songs are all quite moving and the ending is particularly inspiring, but the history is all cleaned up and “Disneyfied.” If you can go into the show willing to ignore the glossing over of all the bad parts of our history, you will leave with a new sense of patriotism. If you want to see a truly historical show, you’ll have to find one elsewhere.

Overall Rating: *** 3/4

Ride Review - Mickey's Philharmagic

Sorry for the lack of updates but it's been a week long working vacation for me. You can follow my updates from Knoebels (including some live ride ratings!) on our Twitter page. If you're not already following us on Twitter then you're missing out on updates when we post as well as my random musings from life at Disney and beyond.

Anyway, to hold you over until the regular updates resume next week, here's a review of one of the most underrated Magic Kingdom attractions.

Mickey's Philharmagic

Intro: Replaced the Legend of the Lion King in Fantasyland in 2003, Philharmagic is Disney’s fourth 3-D movie and boasts one of the world’s largest 3-D screens.

Preshow: None

Queue: Nothing fancy, since there is not much room in these Fantasyland buildings. It runs through the auditorium of the “Concert Hall” and features some funny posters hyping “upcoming shows.” They are all little quips and jokes and are fairly amusing. But there is simply not enough going on here for the long waits that families with children are likely to endure, of course this line is partially inside AND has a waiting area, which makes it better than just about every other queue in Fantasyland.

Show: Starts up with Mickey getting ready to lead a concert. However, he gets called away on a mystery and leaves Donald in charge with instructions not to touch the sorcerer’s hat. Donald, of course, then puts it right on and ends up leading the symphony into a state of disarray (especially when they start playing the Mickey Mouse Club march). The instruments take on a life of their own and eventually they and Donald get sucked into the screen into a darkened room. The room is quickly illuminated by Lumiere who sings a rendition of “Be Our Guest” as food is carried past Donald. He ends up making a mess, however, and the buckets and mops from Sorcerer’s Apprentice douse Donald (and the audience) with water. This water is a perfect cue to take us to...

Ariel claims the hat as one of her human trinkets. She sings “Part of Your World” to Donald who is, of course, in love. Sadly an electric eel takes akin to Donald and he needs to swim away. Meanwhile, Ariel swims upwards towards the sun giving us a cue to head to...

Africa! (Who knows why?) Simba stops by to sing about his upcoming ascent to the throne of the pride lands. Donald gets tossed around by some stylized jungle creatures while chasing the hat. Did they need to save their budget and make one scene lack 3-D effects? Cause all the jungle animals here are two dimensional folk art style, while Donald and Simba are in 3-D. I would guess that this is to rest your eyes from the effects, but there are tons of colors twirling around in every direction, so if that is the intention, it is not very well executed.

Then, for no real reason, Tinkerbell stops by and we are in London. Don’t even try to get this all to make sense. This ride is about the music and fantasy, so just run with it, cause the London scene is AWESOME. The 3-D effects go all out here as Donald, Tink, and Peter fly by. You ARE soaring through London, up into the clouds where....Aladdin and Jasmine fly by on their magic carpet. Awesome! They sing “A Whole New World” and Jasmine finally returns the hat to Donald, who ends up back in the concert hall where Mickey claims the hat and leads the orchestra in the Mickey Mouse Club march. Donald, who fell in a tuba, is blown clear across the crowd to the back of the room, where he gets stuck in the wall.

Thoughts: Well, that was a fun time, incoherency and all. It is really Disney’s best job at 3-D, an art that I did not think they could perfect any more than in “It’s Tough to Be a Bug.” Great music, fun 3-D scenes, and all the elements that make a great 3-D show. Plus, there are no scary scenes and it is fun for the whole family. I can’t go the full Monty here because of the odd transitions and the Lion King scene, plus the bad queue line, but this movie is pretty darn good.

Rating: **** 1/4

Book Review - Mousejunkies

I recently picked up Bill Burke’s “Mousejunkies! Tips, Tales and Tricks for a Disney World Fix” off Amazon after stumbling upon the Boston Herald’s article on it.

Through personal stories and anecdotes from Burke and his fellow “Mousejunkie” travel partners, the book gives an overview of the exceptional (and in some cases the extremely unexceptional) attractions, eateries, and resorts around the World. Think of it not as a guidebook but as a conversation between fellow Disney obsessed friends.

This book is definitely not the first guidebook anyone should pick up on Walt Disney World. While it touches on all of the major planning questions (when to visit, picking a hotel, buying tickets, making priority seating) it is not the place to go for reviews or descriptions of each and every spot on property. That having been said, it makes a great companion for the slightly more experienced traveler, perhaps one who has made one or two trips to the World and is itching for a little more insider information and an idea of what they may have missed in the past. It’s also an outstanding companion for the very experienced Walt Disney World fan, who Burke would refer to as a fellow Mousejunkie, and one that will bring to many the enlightening realization that they are not, in fact, alone in Disney addiction.

Perhaps the book’s greatest attribute is Burke’s excellent humor and lighthearted tone. Many times he had me in stitches for reasons including his story of a disastrous Disney cruise to various mentions of the Mousejunkies’ love of buffets. I don’t want to spoil much but I’ll share some example of the lighthearted tone spread throughout the book:

“The Magic Kingdom is made up of several uniquely themed areas: Main Street USA, Fantasyland, Tomorrowland, Frontierland, Adventureland, Liberty Square, and Mickey’s Toontown Fair. Unofficial sections include Get Me Out of This Insane Heat Before I Pass Outland, If That Kid Kicks Me Again I’m Going to Screamland, and I’m Not Waiting in One More Lineland.”

And, on Epcot’s San Angel Inn: “the presentation looked as if a hose filled with a mixture of mud and beans was being fired at the plates from across the kitchen.”

“Mousejunkies” is filled with great tips for Disney visitors of any experience, from the best and worst times of year to visit to the best and worst bathrooms. Plus Burke goes into detail on one experience that is often left out of guidebooks: Disney’s fishing excursions. If that’s something you’re interested in doing then the book is indispensable.

“Mousejunkies! Tips, Tales and Tricks for a Disney World Fix” retails for $16.95 from Travelers’ Tales. It’s a really great and easy read. Pick it up for the next flight to Florida.

Movie Review - Up

I finally got a chance to check out Disney-Pixar’s “Up” last night. This was the traditional 2D version, so I can’t comment on 3D, but it was excellent. Don’t read on if you don’t want spoilers.

The film starts off with young Carl Fredrickson meeting his future wife Ellie as the two children discover they share a love of famed explorer Charles Muntz, who is in seclusion in the South American jungle after his findings were questioned by science. What follows is probably the most depressing but also incredibly moving openings in Disney history: a montage of Carl and Ellie’s life as they get married, learn they can not have children (undoubtedly the first miscarriage in Disney film history,) and repeatedly attempt but fail to save enough money to make the trip to Muntz’s South America. Finally Carl decides to surprise Ellie by booking the trip but she dies before he can tell her. Thanks Pixar, now I want to kill myself.

Anyway, things keep getting worse for Carl as the film picks up with an entire modern high-rise being built around his house that he refuses to sell. Then, one day, he assaults a construction worker with his cane and is declared unfit to live alone and committed to a nursing home. This scene also might mark the first appearance of blood in a Pixar movie. In order to avoid the home, Carl inflates thousands of balloons and flies away in his house. A young faux-Boy Scout named Russell tags along after being stuck under Carl’s porch while trying to track a snipe in order to earn his “assisting the elderly” merit badge.

Carl and Russell end up in South America but on the wrong side of the mountain where Ellie always wanted to live so they begin to move the house, encountering a giant colorful bird that Russell names Kevin and a dog named Doug who has a special collar that allows him to speak. Doug is a member of a pack of dogs, all with talking collars, assigned to track a bird like Kevin by none other than Muntz. Muntz thinks that Carl has come to steal his discovery and tries to kill Carl and Russell as well as trap Kevin, who we later learn is a mother bird. This where the action picks up and, of course, Carl saves the day and gets over his “grumpy old man” personality in warming up to Russell and Doug. They end up defeating Muntz (who falls to his death in typical Disney villain fashion) and return to civilization where Carl becomes the father-figure that Russell never had.

The story is heartwarming and I tried not to spoil all of the nuances for those who have not seen it (in particular the specific reason Carl warms up in the end.) Doug and the talking dogs provide most of the comedy and are a highlight of the movie with some classic lines (“I do not like the cone of shame.”)

Disney and Pixar have another classic on their hands with “Up.” It’s an incredibly unique story that has all of the traditional elements of a great children’s movie while also being of a superior quality that appeals to adults…like basically every Pixar movie. It was directed by Pete Doctor, the same guy who directed “Monster’s Inc.” The two films share a common quality that the premise seems incredibly “out there” and you really have no idea what you’re going to see going in but then, when you watch it, it all makes sense and works perfectly.

“Up” isn’t quite as perfect as “Finding Nemo” but it definitely ranks up there with the best Pixar movies (no pun intended.) Go to see this one for sure.

Overall Rating: **** ¼

Ride Review - Gran Fiesta Tour Starring the Three Caballeros

Happy Cinco De Mayo! Let’s celebrate with a look at the “Gran Fiesta Tour” in Epcot’s Mexico pavilion. It’s the ride that used to be known as “El Rio Del Tiempo” and was revamped in 2007. It now includes the Three Caballeros and swine flu!

Intro: I reviewed this one awhile back when it was simply known as “El Rio Del Tiempo” and it more or less sucked then. In the meantime they added more Disney characters, which fans of Disneyland’s “Small World” will tell you is never a bad idea…or something like that.

Queue: Go up the stairs, into the Aztec pyramid, through the little museum, down the ramp, past the fountain, through the marketplace, and next door to the restaurant. Easy guest access to this was a priority during Epcot’s initial construction. I visited about a month after the refurbishment and there were four or five people in line in front of me so, hey, already an improvement over the old ride!

Ride: We hop into our boats and are launched off into the Mexican evening. We head on past the marketplace and restaurant where it’s always twilight (just like the real Mexico!) We get just close enough to the tourists to beg for an overpriced burrito (just like the real Mexico!) and head past a volcano or pyramid or something, it’s really hard to tell since it’s twilight and all. Then it’s into the first room.

The three caballeros appear, projected in cartoon form on a wall, to introduce themselves. It’s actually only the two caballeros, as Donald is nowhere to be found, Panchito and Jose (si, that’s their names.) We make our way down a river, through some ancient ruins, as the birds look for their missing amigo. Donald is on one side of the river trying on sombreros while the birds fly around on the other side, oblivious. For reasons past anyone’s understanding, they do this while riding a magic carpet.

As we continue along, more cleverly disguised video screens play assorted scenes of Mexico ranging from normal (churches, Aztec pyramids) to absurd (a mariachi band playing, wearing giant sombreros and riding on a canoe.) A weather vain (don’t ask) directs Jose and Pancito to the next room, the Dia de los Muertos room from the original ride.

It’s kind of like “Small World-lite” where instead of dancing dolls there are dancing skeletons. No that wasn’t a swine flu joke, there seriously are. A banner helpfully informs us “Fiesta Hoy” (“party today” for the unenlightened) thus explaining why there are some children swinging a stick at a Donald Duck piñata. The skeletons, however, go unexplained.

Into the next room representing the tourist areas of Mexico as Donald goes parasailing while Jose and Panchito search for him at a cantina. We head on into the next room as the sun begins to set and Donald is reunited with his fellow Caballeros. They hold a giant party with the stereotypes and we head into the final room with the sweet fiberoptic fireworks display. The Caballeros perform a little musical number as we leave Mexico City and float past a giant map of the country and back into the dock.

Thoughts: Well that certainly was an adventure. I’m assuming that the imagineers who fail hallucinogenic drug tests are reassigned to design World Showcase attractions, that’s the only logical explanation.

Seriously though, the “Gran Fiesta Tour” is as delightful as it is baffling. It’s a fun ride despite being pretty disappointing considering the subject matter they were covering. The Three Caballeros layover provided the attraction with a cohesive story and the seemingly random scenes do fit in with the style of the movie. Unfortunately, doing cutesy gags with the cartoon characters takes away what little depth the old attraction had as it is no longer an attempt to showcase Mexican culture but rather uses the Mexican theme as a backdrop for wacky (and stereotypical) Donald Duck gags like trying to balance 10 sombreros on his head or swooning over a can can dancer.

Being perfectly fair, the new ride is an improvement over the old one but my general opinion doesn’t change. It’s a good respite for a hot afternoon in World Showcase. See it on a second day at Epcot (or while you’re waiting for a table at San Angel Inn.)

Overall Rating: ** ¾

Ride Review - Fantasmic

We'll close things out this weekend the way Hollywood Studios closes out every day (well...a couple days a week.) It's Fantasmic and it might be the best thing at Walt Disney World...oops, I spoiled the ending.

Intro: Introduced in Disneyland on the Rivers of America, Fantasmic was quickly duplicated at the Studios in Florida. For the show, they built an amphitheater and a lot of seating to accommodate crowds for the popular show. To get into the theatre you have quite a walk ahead of you. The official entrance is on Sunset Blvd. near the Beauty and the Beast show, from there, in what doubles as a queue, is a very long sidewalk leading to the theatre that is more or less in the parking lot.

Preshow: There is no real preshow, but they play music and offer concessions for those who arrive early, as is often necessary. Often times the crowd will amuse themselves with random cheering sections, beach balls, and the wave. When they make announcements leading up to the start of the show (Fantasmic will begin in 15 minutes, etc) the crowd tends to go berserk. It may sound stupid here, but it’s hard not to get caught up in the mob mentality.

Show: The lights go out and a recorded announcement fills us in on what is about to occur. The entire show, she tells us, takes place in Mickey Mouse’s dream. However, this dream will turn into a nightmare and we will be witness to the powers of good and evil doing battle in Mickey’s imagination. This all sounds weird enough and in a moment the music reaches a crescendo and out runs everyone’s favorite rodent! Mickey has the power to make fountains appear on the lake in tune with the music. This IS his dream, see. There is lots of color on these fountains as Mickey dances to the music in front of a fake mountain range. I have no clue why there is a mountain range, but there it is. In a really cool effect the fountains turn into one solid stream of water where they start to project video clips of Sorcerer Mickey’s scenes from Fantasia. The fountains turn to waves in sync with waves appearing on the projection, nice touch. The music touches on the mystery and magic of our imagination, thus we can tell it will be a recurring theme tonight with both the announcer and the music mentioning it.

Then some weird jungle music plays and for no apparent reason an elephant appears on stage with some other jungle creatures like ostriches, alligators, and some giraffes. Then monkeys float by on a boat (??) and the music turns to the opening chords of “I Just Cant Wait To Be King” from the Lion King. The fountains come back and play clips from the same scene in Lion King and then the music keeps transforming from classic song to classic song as the fountain screen plays clips from the same movies as the songs that are playing. The clips appear in bubbles, something else that seems weird until you actually see it. Sampling of the movies featured: Lion King, Jungle Book, Dumbo, Snow White, Alice in Wonderland, Fantasia, Hercules, Pinocchio, Aladdin, Mulan, Cinderella, Lady and the Tramp, Bambi, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, various shorts, and probably a bunch of movies that I missed as well (Peter Pan? 101 Dalmatians? Toy Story? Rescuers?)

Jiminy Cricket shows up in a bubble and the music stops. For no good reason, Monstro shows up. I guess Mickey’s dream is moving from nostalgia to bizarre nightmareishness. Somehow or another Mickey ends up in the darn whale. And then in the most bizarre and random moment ever, Governor Ratcliffe shows up (in live action) to claim the fake mountain range in the name of King George III. I’m not kidding, the animation comes to a dead halt (with Mickey in the whale, mind you) so that the British could claim a big fake rock. Then as quickly and randomly as they appear, everything goes dark and some Indians row in on canoes. I think they just built this lake as a dumb excuse to utilize boats in the show. Then the British return to dig for gold. It should also be noted that they seem to have chopped down about 30 trees that were never there in the first place. This back and forth stuff goes on for a little bit building to the inevitable fight scene. For no good reason they just start attacking each other. At least in the movie there was a reason. People start climbing the big fake rock and then someone actually gets thrown off! The immature 14 year old in me was marking out for that one. Just for laughs, Pocahontas consults Grandmother Willow for her take on the whole situation. I have an oak tree in my backyard that thinks its kind of contrived, but then again I have a tangerine in my kitchen that thinks Crystal Pepsi was a good idea, so who knows what plants are thinking these days. So, as randomly and pointlessly as this segment began, it ends with Pocahontas singing something and we go to black for a moment. Then, on nicely colored barges (think floating Spectromagic floats…that’s unfortunately worded) come three Disney princesses (Snow White, Ariel, and Belle) all dancing with their princes. Well, Ariel is a mermaid here so she is more or less just sitting with Eric while he walks around there looking goofy, but the other two are dancing. The music fades in and out of “Beauty and the Beast” first, and then “Part of Your World,” ending in a crescendo with “Someday My Prince Will Come,” in a moment that gives me goose bumps every time I see it. The colored fountains from the beginning return for a nice backdrop to the little scene.

Then, like everything in this show, it quickly turns to something totally different. Snow White’s Wicked Queen appears, presumably ticked about Snow getting a barge. More consulting of inanimate objects, as the Queen looks to the mirror for guidance on matters of being evil and the like. The mirror, obviously unaware that it is made of easily smashable glass tells the queen that in Mickey’s dream beauty and love will prevail. I wish that in my dreams, people would actually acknowledge that it was my dream, that way I could do all sorts of weird stuff and assume that I will be waking up soon anyway. Back to the show, as the Queen casts a spell to call together all the forces of evil. Those same awesome fountain screens return, only this time instead of all the good characters from the movies it features the villains (see that folks, its continuity, they did not just randomly figure out a way to get them in there, like a fight on a mountain, they called back to earlier in the show by using the fountain). The Queen, it seems, wants to wreck Mickey’s little dream of princesses and musical numbers (and the prerequisite colonist/Indian fight). Ursula is down with the plan, Cruella takes it one step farther and wants Mickey’s spirit, Scar just offers some general encouragement (we know he’s mean to mice anyway), Frollo has positively nothing of value to say, and Jafar one-ups them all and gets the next scene in the cave of wonders. Jafar then utters his snakelike line from the movie and MORPHS INTO A GIANT SNAKE. Yes, a big giant GLOWING mechanical snake comes on stage to attack Mickey. For such great family entertainment there sure have been a lot of people taking to fighting with little to no provocation whatsoever. Mickey stumbles across a magic lamp, however, and rubs it. But this does not work; it just makes Jafar MORE powerful. Hades shows up to kvetch about Mickey’s general personality and then bring about his friend from Bald Mountain. Yes, Chernabog from Fantasia! See, more continuity as Chernabog was the spirit of darkness and he would be in the netherworld with Hades. Sadly this is just an excuse for splashing in the lake in sync with the waves in the movie playing. Then out of nowhere comes Maleficent and she TURNS INTO A DRAGON! How awesome! The Queen finds this idea of “imagination” to be hilarious and just laughs in an evil manner, right in Mickey’s face and all the villains from the rest of the show (except Ratcliffe, because his inclusion was stupid) take turns laughing at Mickey too. I would have given anything for Gaston to be part of this whole show, just on the off chance that maybe he would say something like “Minnie is mine!” It should also be noted that for anyone who happens to be annoyed by Mickey, for whatever reason, this part of the show is great because watching Mickey run around scared out of his wits is downright unheard of elseware in Disneyana. This is not Mickey getting chased around by a lion in a short or something; this is all the greatest Disney villains TRYING TO KILL HIM. Now, if you like Mickey or are with a small child, this is all downright terrifying. I’m serious; it’s got loud sounds, explosions, and evil laughter galore. Then the darn dragon LIGHTS THE LAKE ON FIRE!

Mickey finally has enough of all the evil in his dream and sets off the fountains, then grabs a sword and points it in Maleficent’s general direction. I guess this act of semi-aggression is enough to get rid of the villains as they all scream in terror and die on screen. Yeah, some of them are electrocuted; others just fall to their doom. Tinkerbell then shows up and the music gets happy again with the song from the beginning and out comes a giant steamship, captained by Steamboat Willie himself, in a nice little touch. A whole ton of characters ride along. At quick glance I spot Minnie, Chip, Dale, Pluto, Goofy, Beast, Belle, Ariel, Eric, Pinocchio, Gepetto, Snow White, some dwarfs, Mary Poppins, Pocahontas, Quasimodo, Brer Fox and Brer Bear (huh?), Aladdin, and Jasmine. Fountains and fireworks go off to familiar singing about imagination.

Sorcerer Mickey is back to light off some fireworks and fountains, then regular old Mickey returns to the stage to set off one last firework and leave us with his parting words: “Some imagination, hah?”

Postshow: A mass exodus to some busses, or if the park is not closed yet, smart guests will stay in their seats for a half hour, stroll outside for an ice cream and then head back to the hotel.

Thoughts: Well, this show is thoroughly awesome. Sure, it has some faults, like random pointless Indian fights and the general fact that it will scare the bejezzus out of anyone under age eight. But the random cuts and strung together scenes early on can be forgiven for the storyline of it being Mickey’s dream. I mean, what dream makes sense anyway? But from the Wicked Queen’s appearance onward, this show is fifteen kinds of awesome and an absolute must see. What really makes it work is that Mickey does not stare in the face of danger being all brave, he is scared to death of these villains and at multiple times says things like “OH NOOOO!!!” So then, when he really does get the courage to stand up to Maleficent, it means something, plus it gets across its message of standing up for yourself and facing your fears. It tells kids that it’s not bad to be afraid; Mickey spends the whole show afraid, as long as eventually you can face your fears. The effects are great and the fountain screen is something to see, plus the burning lake is a great effect (would be better if they did not explain how they did it in another part of the park) and the princess scene is pure Disney beauty. Plus, like any Disney story, good prevails over evil in the end. You have to see this show, it’s an absolute must see and a surefire Disney classic.

Note: Rumor has it that the Pocahontas scene is on the way out in favor of a Peter Pan scene. It still won’t make sense, but at least Hook is a better foe than Ratcliffe, and also, Peter won’t be conversing with any vegetation…I hope.

Overall Rating: *****